Halfway Nowhere

I’m halfway gone. I can’t explain it; but sometimes, I’m already in River Forest. I’ve already made all my friends, started a job, began my crazy Lit class with Prof. Simpson, spent hours in Rosary Chapel, instituted a Praise & Worship night, and started discovering what I value the most in myself and others. Sometimes, “I’m halfway gone, and I’m on my way, and I’m feeling, feeling this way…”

Sometimes, I’m only here. All I see are these four months, all I hear are nagging interjections, blind criticisms, and the hours that bring me falling to my knees with only one person to talk to…Jesus.

Currently, I am reading Immaculee Ilabagiza’s 2^nd book, Led By Faith. And she finds herself with only one friend, one family member, and one security. And it is Jesus. And I’m feeling that way.

Replenishing

You’re in a garden beckoning.

And You’re kneeling by a tree.

Like the one that brought You here,

With sin that led You here to replenishing.

I’m in a crowded place with blurred faces.

Like the one that sits at home.

And I’m looking for that face

That created the garden You’re about to replace.

It’s too late for You or I

To change our minds.

But there’s something in our sides

That leave us squirming for His help.

I’m at a crossroads. I go one way and I am true to myself. And I will be halfway gone but broken with disaster. And dehydrated to the core.

I’m at a crossroads. I go one way and I lose myself. And live passive and keep my heart aching in silent pain. And I will be…dehydrated to the core.

I will not pick. I am not deciding. I am praying. Praying to Jesus that he will change the impossible, that I can be who I am and share a sense of peace with that one person with that one blurred face.